Blurry
by CrazyBeaver
Summary: "Blurry. Everything was a blur to Nicholas Angel. His head felt like he had been in one more sea mine explosion, and consciousness just wouldn't come back to him at once". Sometimes you have to face the consequences of what you did in your past, Sometimes it's not only your future that they threaten. Warning: violence.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, let me warn you: this is going to be a CRUEL story. So… violence is the warning here._

_I don't own them!_

**Chapter 1**

Blurry. Everything was a blur to Nicholas Angel. His head felt like he had been in one more sea mine explosion, and consciousness just wouldn't come back to him at once. He couldn't see much since t was dark in… whatever this place was. He tried to remember what had happened before he had been knocked out. He and Danny had been investigating… _Oh_.

They had gotten a report about some group of crack-heads making a lair in a cellar of an abandoned house. Just a bunch of young people thinking they were immensely cool taking drugs and then doing whatever they pleased. Nicholas knew the type. They would run away at merely hearing the word "police", let alone facing actual officers. They _should have_ run. It shouldn't have been hard. It shouldn't have turned out… like this. The last thing he remembered was walking through an arch and then… nothing but pain in his head as everything began to fade out. Knocked out with a hit in the head, so clichéd, he thought with a frown. Much like in one of Danny's movies. His heartbeat peaked. What had happened to Danny?

Suddenly Nicholas sensed movement to his left and instinctively jumped and moved away, which didn't go well with his apparent concussion, making his world spin dizzyingly.

"Danny?" he whispered cautiously and yet with a hint of concern.

"Mmmm…" the groan was drowsy but it was recognisably Sergeant Butterman's.

"Danny, are you alright?" Nicholas spoke a bit louder this time, trying to keep his worry under control.

"Yeah…" Danny's voice was a pitch higher than normally – a clear sign that he was scared. "Where are we?"

"I don't know," the Inspector replied honestly. He really couldn't be sure. Were they still in that cellar? It was quite cold there, too. He sensed Danny move a bit closer to him instinctively.

It wasn't long before the door opened and the light suddenly bursting into the room blinded the two officers for a moment. Soon enough the shapes began to get clearer and they saw three men standing in front of them. Two of those men had guns aimed at Nicholas and Danny, preventing them from any actions.

"So… There you are. Nicholas Angel," the third main spoke, and the inspector looked up sharply, trying to study the man's features as carefully as he could. Had they met before? It didn't look like they had…

"Who are you?" Nicholas demanded, his voice low and growly.

"Don't bother, you don't know me. Although I believe you've met a friend of mine. Dwayne Dexter, remember him?"

Nicholas shut his eyes tightly and suppressed a gasp. That name had been burned into his subconscious for a few years now. The guilt had never left him, even though he knew he hadn't had a choice. He had told the guy to drop the weapon first. But he hadn't obeyed. _Why_ hadn't he obeyed?...

"Who-who's that?" Danny asked timidly, shifting slightly, forgetting about the gun pointed at him for a second.

"Oh, so you don't know?" the capturer turned to the sergeant. "He was a good friend of mine. And Nicholas here just turned up at his flat one day and killed him".

Danny turned a confused gaze at his friend.

"He was the crack-head with the Kalashnikov I shot," Nicholas' voice was close to whisper.

"But he had it coming, didn't he," Danny reasoned. Right now it didn't seem as amazing as it had when he had first heard the story. At that very moment he felt the barrel of the gun press harder into his temple.

"You better shut the fuck up," the capturer hissed.

"Leave him alone," Nicholas spoke up, drilling holes in the man's head with his glare. "There's nothing you need from him. It's me you need," he could feel Danny's panicked watery gaze falling on him but didn't react.

"You know, you might be right," the captor smirked. "We don't need him. So we can just get rid of him…"

The man holding the gun to Danny's head tightened his grip on the weapon but before he could do anything, he was interrupted.

"No!" Nicholas' yell was louder than his concussion would appreciate it but he didn't care. The leader of the three lifted his hand up, looking at Nicholas with some mix of malice and concentration.

"I see you don't want anything happening to your friend here, do you?" he spoke calmly, every word putting ice under the inspector's skin. "What if I put you through what I've been through?" He nodded his head at one of his men. "Let's take this guy upstairs and have a nice chat to get to know him".

Nicholas caught a glimpse of Danny's terrified glance and it shook him more than any of the car chases and gunfights he had ever been in. He couldn't let it happen. Whatever the cost.

"What, so you are that afraid of talking to _me_ then?" he tried to sound as cocky as he could. "You are just a coward on crack. Like all of you are!"

What happened next happened very fast. The man turned to Nicholas swiftly, pulling a gun from behind his belt. The inspector didn't have the time the react as he heard a gunshot. There were a few milliseconds of terror… and then there was pain.

"Nicholas!" Danny yelped, watching his friend gasping for air and trying to recover, as a red patch on his shoulder, where the bullet went in, was growing larger and larger within seconds. The Sergeant felt something wet on his own face, and it took him a while to realise that it was, in fact, blood. Nicholas' blood that had splattered from his shoulder. He could feel tears forming in his eyes but he couldn't let them out. They had to be tough cops. "Nicholas…" Danny called out again, and the older officer looked up but avoided his gaze, locking his eyes on the captor instead.

"And this is all you can do?" he snarled through pain. Danny's eyes widened. This was not like Nicholas at all. It looked like he was trying out some tactics they often saw in movies they watched together. He was trying to make these people angry at him. The thought hit Danny really hard, and he looked at his friend again, trying to think of something to do but failing.

"What, are you going to keep hiding behind guns?" Nicholas went on, his voice still unsteady and breathy. "Or shall we have a nice talk?"

Their captor stopped, pondering those words.

"I knew you lot were just chickens," Nicholas only hoped his true intentions weren't too obvious. Hopefully, these idiots were stupid enough to fall for it.

"Alright, that's it," the captor launched at the police officer and put his hand onto his shoulder, squeezing it and digging his thumb into the wound, causing a loud yelp from the inspector. Danny could feel that something inside him was burning. He would do anything to make them stop hurting Nicholas but he knew there was nothing he could do. His throat felt like it was being squeezed and he made heroic efforts to prevent himself from sobbing.

"You want to play a tough guy, don't you?" the captor spoke calmly, looking Nicholas right in the eyes, breaking his personal space. He then turned to his helpers. "Okay, guys, let's take him upstairs!"

Danny could only watch as Nicholas was lifted up to his feet roughly and led out of the room. He couldn't take his eyes off his friend, and when their glances finally met for a second, he could swear he saw him mouth "it's alright" before turning away. The door shut loudly and Danny was left alone in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Okay, here's the second chapter. Remember the warning in the previous chapter? It stays._

_I don't own them._

**Chapter 2**

Danny had no idea how long it had been. He had a terrible headache and felt dizzy. He vaguely remembered that it must mean he had a concussion. He heard some faint noises from upstairs and at first tried to listen more carefully to hear them better but then tried to block them out. He knew what was going on upstairs. It was like some kind of a nightmare. It couldn't be real. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest, causing a ringing in his ears to arise. He didn't want to cry, didn't want to call for help, didn't want to move. He couldn't even flinch. The paralysing worry took hold of him, and he only jumped a slightest bit when some particularly loud sound from upstairs reached him.

Nicholas… Danny didn't want to imagine what was happening to him now. Maybe he had managed to break free though? No, he would have come back to free Danny as well. The sergeant sat with his back pressed against the cold wall and froze up, staring into the empty space in front of him.

Time passed, and soon enough some faint sunbeams began to come into the room from a tiny window right beneath the ceiling. The light was very weak, and it didn't defeat the darkness around Danny. He could see the door Nicholas had disappeared through, what felt like, an eternity ago. However, everything was still very vague and blurry.

Suddenly the sounds stopped. Danny was left in complete silence, which increased his anxiety. He knew it must mean something. Something was going to happen.

It was after another while when the door opened again and he saw a familiar shape of the blond man he knew too well. Only this wasn't how he had ever seen him before.

Nicholas was dragged into the cellar by the two of the crack-heads while the third one kept his gun pointed at Danny. It wasn't necessary though, as the sergeant was so shocked by what he was looking at that he forgot how to move at all. He couldn't see Nicholas that well, but he seemed to be barely conscious, blood pouring to the floor from all the numerous wounds he had.

"That was a good fun," he heard the voice but couldn't look up at its owner, unable to take his eyes off the inspector. "We'll have some rest and then – you are next for the party".

Danny looked at the man sharply, to catch a glimpse of the face he knew he would never forget, before turning back to Nicholas. The two men holding him threw him to the floor and turned to leave, not looking back at him.

Danny lifted his head up to face his captor, his eyes filled with so much rage and pain-induced hatred that the crack-head backed away without realising it. He took hold of himself quite fast though, and soon the cellar was left with only two people in it again. There was silence, disturbed only by Nicholas' loud laboured breathing and some weird coughing noises he was making. Danny couldn't see his face at the moment, as the older officer was lying on his stomach, trying to move his hands to support himself and roll over but failing even at that.

Snapping out of his stupor, Danny rushed to his aid, dropping to his knees by his friend's side.

"Nicholas?..." he called out softly, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall with more persistence than ever. He took the blond man by the shoulders, trying not to touch the gunshot wound, and rolled him over. "Oh God…"

For a second Danny thought he was going to be sick. Nicholas' face was covered in blood which was escaping the splits in his eyebrow, lip and his broken nose. His skin was mortally pale, and the weak light from the tiny window only emphasized it. He was apparently having trouble breathing, catching air in loud gasps. His entire body was shaking in tremors and his eyes kept rolling in their sockets.

Danny could feel tears streaming down his face as he put his hand onto his friend's cheek and turned his head a bit so that now the older officer could look at him.

"Nicholas," Danny let out a loud sniff, his vision getting blurry because of the tears. He began to gently rub Nicholas' cheek with his thumb, hoping that the motion would be at least a little bit soothing. He didn't know how many times he had called the inspector's name in the past few hours and he didn't really care about that. "It's me…" he sniffed again. "It's Danny".

Nicholas' eyes finally focused on his and the shaking eased a bit.

"Da—" he tried to breathe out but even that syllable came out barely audible and got cut off by some moist sound. He began to cough, and when Danny lifted his upper body a bit, he saw blood escaping the blond man's mouth.

"Don't try to speak, Nicholas," Danny sobbed as soon as the coughing fit ended. He couldn't stop crying no matter how hard he tried. "Everything is going to be fine," saying the words he had heard from Nicholas a few years ago felt so weird. He only wanted to believe that… "Help will be here soon, the others will find us. Everything is going to be just fine".

Nicholas started to cough again, and Danny rolled him to his side, letting a new portion of blood pour to the cold floor. The younger officer was in a state of panic he never knew he could be in. He had seen a lot of movies in which people coughed up so much blood. Usually it meant that the person was a goner. Danny had to literally shake his head to get rid of that thought, making his concussion remind of itself once again. _That was just the movies, Danny. And life isn't like the movies… right?_

He looked down just in time to see that Nicholas' eyes were closing.

"No-no-no," his voice frantic, he lifted his friend up again. "Look at me. You need to stay awake, it will be over soon, I promise".

He allowed himself a little sigh when he saw Nicholas open his eyes. The look in them, however, made him cringe. There was the understandable pain but also some silent plea. As if Nicholas was begging him to let him go to sleep. Danny sobbed again and grasped his hand, terrified at how cold it already was.

"Sorry, mate. Not gonna happen," he muttered under his breath, not sure whether Nicholas even heard that. But the tone itself made him a bit more hopeful and he took a deep breath, calming down his sobs a bit.

Suddenly, a loud noise made the sergeant jump and turn his head to the door. He watched it open, and the three silhouettes he recognised unmistakably appeared. Danny knew what it meant. They had had rest and were ready to continue the "party"…


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Here's another chapter… Hope you enjoy…_

_I still don't own them._

**Chapter 3**

"Oh, he's still alive," the main chav raised an eyebrow, looking at a broken mess that was once a police officer, judging his state. "He hasn't got long anyway though, by the looks of it".

Danny grasped Nicholas' hand tighter, feeling anger inside of him rising to unimaginable levels. He could tell the older officer couldn't hear what the chav was saying and apparently didn't even see the captors, as his head was still turned to face Danny. The sergeant's agitation, however, seemed to have passed to him, as his eyes displayed a slightest hint of worry. Or maybe it was just Danny's imagination.

"Come on, you're going with us," the spokesman said casually. "I think your Angel here could use some time alone. To think about his actions".

Danny sniffed and looked down at Nicholas. Leave him… Nicholas had to stay awake. He needed someone to look after him. Leaving him alone was something Danny couldn't even imagine doing. The inspector looked like he couldn't understand what was going on, his eyes wide and his troubled breathing getting more rapid and shallow. The sergeant looked back up again, seeing the two speechless goons approaching him menacingly.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, trying to look into Nicholas' eyes without tearing up, "I have to go. Everything is gonna be fine, just please don't di— don't go to sleep," _don't use the dreaded word, never say it!_

Danny began to stand up but something stopped him. It took him a few seconds to realise that Nicholas used the last remains of whatever strength he had left to tighten his grip on Danny's hand, not wishing to let go. His eyes were struck with panic – like a small lost child who was scared to be left alone. Danny made an incredible effort to not fall to his knees and just cry, holding Nicholas as tightly as he could.

"Ni… Ni-cho-las… I—I have to…" he didn't manage to say anything audible as he pulled his hand away from his friend's weak grasp. Nicholas' eyes displayed even more panic now. It physically hurt Danny to look at him. To see practically nothing of the once strong and courageous man left in this broken shell of a body.

Gently, he took his friend by the shoulders and laid him on his side. So that he wouldn't choke on his own blood. The realisation that he was actually considering this possibility struck Danny like a brick wall. How had it happened that everything had gone so bad so fast? Just yesterday he had watched a movie with Nicholas. Danny couldn't remember what movie it was. It seemed like it was in a previous life. And now he was looking at his best friend and thinking how to position him better to prevent him from dying from something like _that_…

A sudden push to the shoulder broke the sergeant from his trance. Obviously, their captors didn't have the patience to wait for him to finish his thoughts. Danny was grabbed by the shoulders and made get up. He walked gingerly, telling himself to not look back. He didn't want to see the look on Nicholas' face. He didn't want to think whether the inspector would be able to stay awake without Danny by his side. Didn't want to imagine his best friend dying there alone in abandonment. And yet he did. The images ran through his mind at horrifying speed and with sickening clarity.

And yet, just as he was about to walk through the doorway, he turned his head back. Nicholas was lying so still, facing the general direction where Danny was, and yet didn't seem to actually see him. That had to be the single most haunting sight Danny had ever witnessed. For a moment he thought he saw tears escape his friend's eyes but he dismissed the thought, as the blood would probably mask everything anyway.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Nicholas couldn't register much. He heard the voice he recognised as Danny's but couldn't make out any words. It was nice to hear the voice at least. He could see Danny's face, the picture unclear and blurry, like a bad photo taken in a rush. But he could definitely make out the two big brown eyes, shining with tears. He felt Danny grab his hand and tried to cling to it. He felt he was falling, drowning in the darkness, and the hand was the last remaining thing he could hold on to. Suddenly the two eyes disappeared from his view. There was some movement next to him, he could sense it, as every tiniest move that happened sent agony through his body. Something was happening. The waves he was drowning in got more disturbed. Danny's eyes came back to his view for a bit, which was a relief, but then they began to move away, as the hand started to slip out of his. Panicking, he instinctively clung to it tighter, trying to find Danny's eyes with his gaze… _Don't leave me_… He heard his friend's soft voice again. He didn't make out much again, but part of it sounded like his name. He felt being moved again, as the waves became more and more violent. _Danny's leaving… where is he going? Don't go, Danny, it's dangerous…_ He couldn't remember why it was so dangerous to go outside but somehow he knew there was something very bad waiting for Danny. He could vaguely see the sergeant's shape before the blur grew into the complete darkness. The waves closed above him. It got even harder to breathe. Partly due to some lump in his throat (was he crying?) and partly because there was something unnaturally heavy in his chest. Some of the water he was drowning in seemed to get caught in his throat, and he began to cough, letting it spill out, hoping it would help him breathe but it just didn't. He was going to the bottom of this lake, drowning fast, and he didn't have the strength to fight or anything to hold on to anymore…

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It was only after the door had been shut behind them that Danny started to think about what was actually happening at this very moment. What was going to happen to _him_? He was scared. He didn't want this… He nearly started to shake his head frantically but soon forced himself to stay strong. _Like Nicholas_.

They got upstairs and entered a poorly lit room. Despite the light was very dim, it still made him narrow his eyes. His sight got back to him quite soon though, allowing him to take a look around. The room was quite small without any furniture safe for two old chairs. There was something else though… something that made Danny feel sick again. On the floor there were several dark spots which still looked quite wet. And red. He knew it was blood. He knew it the very second he saw it. And he also knew whose blood it was…

"So," the goons' leader started. "Let's get started, shall we?"

He nodded to his mates who came closer. Danny mentally prepared himself for a lot of pain. However, no matter how prepared he was trying to be, he wasn't ready for what happened next.

The door practically flew off its hinges, and suddenly everything became full of noise and movement. Danny didn't manage to register what was going on until all the goons were on the floor.

"Danny?" the voice was so different from the goons, so soft and caring and worried. He recognised it at once. "You alright?"

It took Danny a few seconds to actually understand that he was looking at Doris Thatcher. He threw a bewildered look across the room to see other members of Sandford Police Service taking over the situation. It was over. It was all over. Or was it?

Without uttering a word, Danny sprang to his feet and ran out of the room.

"Where's Angel?" he heard Andy Wainwright inquiring behind him. He didn't waste any time to answer. He was dizzy and unsteady on his legs. He nearly fell over on the stairs but something kept him going. His hands were shaking badly when he opened the door.

"Nicholas!" he exclaimed, but the rest of what he was going to say got stuck in his throat as soon as he saw his friend. Gingerly, he walked up to the blond man and crashed to his keens by his side.

Nicholas still lay on his side, all covered in blood, a little puddle of it still spreading on the floor beneath him, his eyes shut. He wasn't moving, wasn't shaking… Wasn't breathing.

"No," Danny felt like there was some string inside him, and now it was being torn apart. And then there was something else growing there, something that ran through his body like fire. "No!" he repeated again, this time more sharply. He wasn't letting this happen.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned down, giving the air to Nicholas. He was horrified at how cold he was but made a colossal effort to ignore that. Tears he didn't know he had left ran down his face as he kept providing Nicholas with air and pressing onto his chest. He could taste his friend's blood on his lips. It made him want to throw up but he suppressed the feeling. He had to keep going. And he did keep going, paying no attention to the sound of the others approaching and calling for him. He felt light-headed but still refused to give up, looking at his best friend's still and bloodied face and waiting for something to happen. _Why was nothing happening?..._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: So thanks for staying with me! Hope you enjoyed this story and this final chapter is a good enough ending to it…_

_I still don't own them._

**Chapter 4**

It was fairly late into the evening and the noises from the streets had long died out. Sandford wasn't a place with a rich night life anyway. Danny kept sitting on his sofa, in front of the TV set that hadn't been turned on for ages. He was pondering on watching a movie but dismissed it quite soon. He was afraid that it would turn out to be the same movie they had watched with Nicholas the night before everything had gone upside down. Why didn't he remember what movie it was so that he could avoid it for the rest of his life?

His phone rang for about the third time that evening but he ignored it. He was too wrapped up in his trance-like state to actually acknowledge the sound.

It had been several months. Danny had been back at work for about four weeks now. He had hoped it would help him get back to normal faster but he was so wrong. He did the usual work, patrolling the streets and watching the roads. But it only made him feel more alone. He remembered all those days he had spent patrolling the same streets with Nicholas, discussing movies they had watched previously or telling each other stories from their lives. And now it was all just silence. Of course, he wasn't completely alone, as usually Doris and once even Bob Walker accompanied him. They had tried to start conversations but Danny didn't feel like it. Almost every day after work he just rushed back home and spent the rest of the evening staring at the black empty television screen. He barely even slept at nights, too scared of what he saw when he did pass out on that same sofa.

"Danny," the voice was soft and quiet, almost a whisper, but it made the sergeant jump, making his stomach twist inside of him. He didn't need to look up. He knew the voice, he would never forget it or confuse it with someone else's. He also didn't want to look up. He was afraid of what he might see if he did. Every time he merely imagined the face he couldn't help but see it deadly pale and covered in bruises and blood. So much blood… He still had this feeling of his best friend's lifeless body in his arms, could still taste the metallic saltiness of his blood on his own lips…

Right now he was just scared that he got trapped in another one of his nightmares. He saw them way too often nowadays. It was a bit like when his mother had killed herself. She would come to visit him at nights, and at first it had felt so great. As if Mum was back, as if that terrific driving off the cliff thing had never happened. But then she would suddenly start turning into the corpse he had seen right after the incident, and the imagery would just get worse until he woke up.

Danny tried to say something, to stay reasonable. Like "What are you doing here?" or "Why are you here?" He knew it was the same thing but he genuinely couldn't decide which option to choose. And so he sat in silence, refusing to look up.

"Do you think it was my fault?" Nicholas' voice was still soft and quiet. It would feel soothing if Danny hadn't been so scared.

"No," the sergeant replied, staring down at the floor. He took a deep breath and finally looked up. There he was. Nicholas didn't have any blood on him right now. He merely was so pale and thin that for a second Danny could swear he was almost see-through.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"I can leave if you want," Nicholas sounded hurt now. Danny shook his head. He didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"Danny…" the younger man felt the cushions on the sofa move next to him, as the voice got closer. "Are you alright?"

Danny had no idea how to respond to that. He raised his head up and found himself looking into a pair of big blue eyes looking at him with the usual scanning intensity. He quickly turned away.

"Danny, I've been worried about you," Nicholas went on. "You are not answering any calls, you seem to be avoiding everybody…" he paused. "I understand why you might avoid me after what you've been through, but please don't lock yourself up here".

Danny got shaken by the last sentence. He never wanted Nicholas to think he blamed him. He wanted to say it but what came out was something else.

"I don't think it was your fault," Danny could feel his eyes water up. "It wasn't your fault, Nicholas".

"Then what is it?" Nicholas inquired. There was no answer, and he placed his hands on his friend's shoulders, sending shivers down the younger man's spine. "Danny, look at me," the sergeant obeyed and sniffed loudly, looking him in the eyes.

"I just," Danny suppressed a sob. "I can't forget that day. Every time I fall asleep or just close my eyes… I just keep seeing that cellar and those goons and blood and… and _you_…" he probably said something else but it couldn't be heard anymore through the intensifying sobs. He felt two arms wrapping around him and leaned forward to return the hug, clinging to his friend with all of his might. He could feel Nicholas' heartbeat against his own chest and it was so beautifully constant. He could sense how real and warm he felt.

"How did you get in?" he suddenly asked, trying to keep his hold onto reality, as he suddenly remembered how sleepy he was.

"The front door was open," Nicholas replied matter-of-factly. "And remind me to talk to you about it someday," for a split second Danny sensed there was a shadow of a smile in his friend's tone but he couldn't be sure. He let out a noise that was both a sob and a soft chuckle.

Nicholas didn't say anything and just held him tightly. And Danny wasn't going to let go any time soon. All those months of first being at hospital due to his own concussion and then having to sit with Nicholas, hoping and praying that he would make it and trying to erase those images from his mind, and then being unable to look at his friend's face after his release were now running past his eyes, somehow causing them to well up even more as he tightened his grip around Nicholas. He suddenly felt so calm and safe. Something he had never felt in the past weeks.

They had sat like that for a very long time. Danny didn't notice when tears stopped escaping his eyes and his eyelids got heavy, as he fell asleep, his head resting on Nicholas' shoulder which was almost completely healed now. He didn't see any nightmares, or anything he could remember at all, for that matter. He just felt calm and warm. And everything was going to be just fine.

**The End**


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